on addiction

For my abnormal psych class, I had to watch a documentary about addiction. 

Watch. Learn. Be compassionate. 

"The drugs that I do, I don't do them because I like to do them, but I do them, because I am in pain, and it numbs the pain."

I can relate. I mean, if we are honest, most of us can relate. 

Letter to Father

Dear Father,

Thank you for being there.
when i felt so alone.

when I got so angry at people who hurt me.

when i spewed with jealousy over my friends and family
who have become so successful.

when You gave me a dog to remind me of Your loving presence.

when I fell in love with my baby nephew, and promised You that I will always take care of him.

Thank You Father.

the superhero syndrome

when I was little, I always wanted to be a superhero. heck, I still want to be one. I have always wondered why I, and in a broad sense, we, are so drawn to these mysterious, vigilante characters? why do we flock to see their movies, and relish the cartoons of old?

In some level, i think identify a lot with the superheroes. we see ourselves in them, in their struggles to fight the evil within and outside of them.

           we all have masks to wear.

and we all have secrets to hide and people to protect.

the thing is we're more like the superheroes that we adore than we realize. that isn't necessarily a bad thing at all. it's good to identify ourselves with someone, and have solidarity with others due to this identification.

not the most meaningful post, just a bunch of rambling about some of my favorite superheroes and such. maybe i'll do a part 2 to this post as well...

on Reckless Abandon

"On the way home yesterday morning I took a long walk and came to a decision which I know is of the Lord.  In all honesty before the Lord I say that no one or nothing beyond Himself and the Word has any bearing upon what I've decided to do. I have one desire now - to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord, putting all my energy and strength into it. Maybe He'll send me someplace where name of Jesus Christ is unknown. Jim, I'm taking the Lord at His word, and I'm trusting Him to prove His Word. It's kind of like putting all your eggs in one basket, but we've already put our trust in him for salvation,so why not do it as far as our life is concerned? If there's nothing to this business of eternal life, we might as well lose everything one crack and throw our present life away with our life hereafter.  But if there is something to it, then everything else the Lord says must hold true likewise. Pray for me, Jim."

- Ed McCully*

Ed McCully quit law school and became a missionary in Ecuador. On January 1956, McCully, along with his fellow missionary friends, Jim Elliot, Nate Saint, Pete Fleming, and Roger Youderian, were killed by the Auca Indian tribe. God has used their lives and their deaths to further His Kingdom. 

*Through Gates of Splendor, Elisabeth Elliot

music: andrew peterson

Music, like art and writing,  is both personal and communal. It lets us know we are not alone. I am glad for that. 
Song: Andrew Peterson, Don't you want to thank someone

Don't you ever wonder why 
In spite of all that's wrong here 
There's still so much that goes so right 
And beauty abounds? 

'Cause sometimes when you walk outside 
The air is full of song here 
The thunder rolls and the baby sighs 
And the rain comes down 

And when you see the spring has come 
And it warms you like a mother's kiss 
Don't you want to thank someone? 
Don't you want to thank someone for this? 

I used to be a little boy 
As golden as a sunrise 
Breaking over Illinois 
When the corn was tall 

Yeah, but every little boy grows up 
And he's haunted by the heart that died 
Longing for the world that was 
Before the Fall 

...

Maybe it's a better thing 
A better thing 

To be more than merely innocent 
But to be broken then redeemed by love 

grace

I need more grace today. 
Just a bit more grace to get through the day. 

When the going gets tough, 
the tough get going. 

But I am not tough. 
No, no, you see, 
I am a coward.  

So I just need more grace
A bit more grace to get through the day. 

Grace to forgive.
Grace to live
Grace to love You as much as You love me. 

Grace. 
More grace for today. 

Confessions

I tried all I could
to make you proud.
I gave up more than I should
to be good enough for you.

But it's never gonna be good enough.
And I am never gonna make you proud.

It is harder than it looks
to fight the struggles I have faced.
To overcome these trials
it takes more than I could give.

But it's never gonna be good enough.
And I am never gonna make you proud.

But He love me so.
And His grace will always be enough.

And my striving stops,
At the sight of Him
Who will always be enough.