So, here's to another day,

Sitting, wondering, dreaming.

Of who I could be,

Of who I should be.

So here's to a new day,

As I mourn and rejoice

The death of a dear soul,

The birth of someone precious

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Surrender don't come natural to me. 
I'd rather fight You for something 
I don't really want, 
Than take what You give that I need. 
....
But Your grace rings out so deep,
makes my resistance seem so small. 
- Rich Mullins. 


Thank you for your patience with me dear Savior. 

The Value of Adversity

          It is good for us to have trials and troubles at times, for they often remind us that we are on probation and ought not to hope in any worldly thing. It is good for us sometimes to suffer contradiction, to be misjudged by men, even though we do well and mean well. These things help us to be humble and shield us from vainglory. When to all outward appearances men give us no credit, when they do not think well of us, then we are more inclined to seek God, Who sees our hearts. Therefore, a man ought to root himself so firmly in God that he will not need the consolations of men. 


          When a man of good will is afflicted , tempted, and tormented by evil thoughts, he realizes clearly that his greatest need is God, without Whom he can do no good. Saddened by his miseries and sufferings, he laments and prays. He wearies of living longer and wishes for death that he might be dissolved and be with Christ. Then he understands fully that perfect security and complete peace cannot be found on Earth. 


- Thomas a Kempis, The Imitation of Christ

Obedience

Obedience is the very best way to show that you  believe...
So goes one of the Sunday school rhymes. I teach kids these things, but i am not so sure I myself obey Him completely.

 I sing,
have thine own way Lord,
Have thine own way, but in all honesty,
I want to have my own way, not His way.

To follow a set of rules on what to wear, what to eat, you know, that's relatively easy.

To follow Him wholeheartedly, obeying His Word and His voice in every action I do, that.. that is hard.


I just want comfort, to wake up everyday knowing all is well with the world.
I do, i do, want a home with a whitepicket fence and my lovely husband, and my perfect little children...

But I know that the moment i "signed up" to become a Christian, my comfort is one option i could not choose.
because all isn't well with the world.

I wanted to be a Christian on my own terms - be a private Christian you know - the Lord saved me, and thanked God for that, and live the rest of my life as nothing else and no one else mattered. But that isn't right. Because people matter.

I want to be like Jesus. To care about the children, the prostitute, and everyone in between. I want to love my literal neighbors, and not shy away from talking to them. I want to cry when my friends are sad, like He did. I want to marvel at nature and tell stories about sheep and trees. I want to speak with my heavenly Father, enjoying His presence and delighting in doing His will.

But following Jesus means I must bear HIS cross. It means, I will be mocked. It means, people will misunderstand me. I will be a fool. I will be hurt beyond any reason. I will cry for reasons I do not yet understand.

But one day, when I see Him face to face, He will wipe away every tear from my eyes with His nail-pierced hands. This is the greatest comfort I could hope for.

A song

I wanted to write about cricket, but a song has been stuck in my head lately, and I just thought i should let everyone know. ;)

"The Darling of heaven crucified,
Worthy is the Lamb."

He is worthy. My Jesus is worthy.

"Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I've done a lot of stupid stuff"  --Bono

Great God of second chances,
Thank You for never letting me go.

An Ordinary Day

It is so hard to live in the ordinary,
when all you want is adventure.
To rejoice knowing that this is the day that the Lord has made,
when each day feels so so much like every other day.

Great is His faithfulness.
His mercies are new every morning.

Prayer

For the past year or so,
I have been having trouble praying for others, but lately I asked my Father to teach me to pray.
And so He has begun His lessons.

"I was just passing through
And taken by surprise
Between the black sky and the blue
Between the black sky and the blue
I love You
I love You."
~ Fernando Ortega