Lately

Lately I have been under lots of pressure on every side. And most of the time, I sink into thoughts of failure and the realization that I am not good enough, that I will never measure up. Family, friends, society its everywhere. Its on days like these that I have a hard time accepting my worth in Christ. When the pressures of this world get to me, I hear Satan himself whispering, "You are not worth it. You'll never be happy." and worst of all, "You are a failure, and you'll never amount to anything."

And if truth be told, that is the worst thing I want to hear. All my life, I have always strived for best. I have tried to be the perfect obedient daughter. Not that this is bad, after all, we are to obey our parents.  I have strived for perfection especially in terms of academics. Even after moving to a new country, I tried to keep up with the rest of the kids that are in the United States. And to be honest, many times I find my worth in my achievements. And even to this day, I sometime think that my family and friends value me for how well I do in school.

Although I have been a Christian for many years, it is hard to let go of this performance mindset. It is hard to realize that Jesus loves me in spite of myself. "Can I show you how many verses I have memorized? How many people I have helped. I prayed for an hour today. Aren't You proud of me God? Don't You love me now?" 


Some days, it seems as though Satan's whispers overpower the gentle cry of the Lamb of God.

But Jesus died for me. 2000 years ago. Before I could speak, before I was born. Before I could do anything to make Him proud of me, He proved to me my worth. He died for me - to take upon Himself my punishment - even when I was His enemy, He loved me.

He loves me. not because I get A's. not because I got into a good school. not because I have a great career. He loves me, just because I am His.

I am driven to my knees on days like today. on my knees, I find myself at the cross. at the safest and most secure place.